One day short of 19 months and my breastfeeding journey with Tatum is complete. I never thought breastfeeding would be something I would enjoy, but after getting through the hard parts I realized how comforting it was to her and how sweet and special of an experience it ended up being for us. It feels so bittersweet to end our journey and I am excited to share more about my experience and my must haves at the end!
Disclaimer: although I do work in healthcare, none of this is medical advice – just my personal experience and what worked for me. You should always consult your doctor for medical advice.
My Background
As many of you know I am a nurse and started working on the mother baby unit shortly after I got pregnant. Before this my exposure to all things breastfeeding was very limited. But obviously after working directly with breastfeeding mothers I learned a lot. I saw all the difficulties moms face during the very early post partum days, most of which were related to breastfeeding. Being aware of all the benefits, I knew I wanted to give breastfeeding a shot. However I told myself I wouldn’t put too much pressure on myself and was open to formula feeding if breastfeeding did not work out. So I went into our breastfeeding experience with very low expectations and just hoped for the best!
The first week
Unsurprisingly, the first week was the hardest. Tatum latched a few times in the hospital, but was so sleepy the first two days so I started pumping to syringe feed her colostrum. Because of my work experience, I made sure to bring some formula bottles home from the hospital *just in case.* The first or second night Ryan and I were home, maybe around 2 or 3am, Tatum was having a really hard time latching and was just screaming so I knew she was hungry. I tried hand expressing but wasn’t getting any colostrum out so I decided to try to pump. Ryan held her next to me on the bed as she kept screaming and screaming. I didn’t get anything from pumping and at this point all 3 of us were crying, lol. So I gave her a bottle of formula. She gulped it down as Ryan and I both sighed of relief. A day or two later she had a pediatrician appointment and was losing too much weight, so over the next few days I kept supplementing with formula after each breastfeeding session. Thankfully my milk came in shortly after and I ended up having an over supply, so I didn’t need to continue with the formula. But I was so thankful to have had some on hand because I don’t know what we have done without it.
Latch issues
Tatum continued having issues latching for several more weeks, so I ended up using a nipple shield the first 7 weeks of her life. Basically it’s a little piece of silicone that goes on top of your nipple and help with latching and decrease nipple pain. It was necessary in the beginning since she needed help latching but did make it more difficult for her to get the milk at the same time. Sometimes she would be nursing for an hour straight and still seem hungry after. Since babies can swallow more air when using the nipple shield, it did cause her to have gas issues. Thankfully I was able to wean her from the shield around 7 weeks but wish I had tried harder sooner because it was kind of annoying to have to use each time.
Pumping
It can be so overwhelming to know when to pump, which pump to use, etc. I will share what worked best for me but keep in mind everyone is different and your preferences, priorities etc may be different too. I tried the Elvie hands free, momcozy hands free, Medela hospital grade and Medela home pump. My hospital uses the Medela and supplies the pump parts in the hospital which thankfully I knew ahead of time. I also used this pump whenever I would pump at work, since the quality was so great – it’s hard to beat a $5,000 pump I guess! Since I didn’t want to have to worry about pump parts for different pumps, I got the medela to use at home too (the $200 version). I also tried out the hands free ones I had mentioned, but had trouble with them leaking, found they did not work as well and just were not as comfortable or convenient for me. It never took me more than 5 or 10 minutes to pump, so it was not worth it to me to put all the million hands free pump parts together just to pump for a short period of time. I will add in the importance of using the correct flange size – most of the ones that come with pumps are large and don’t fit most women. If you use the wrong size one, pumping may not be as effective and you may have increased pain.
When I was home, after a few months once Tatum started giving us a longer stretch in the beginning of the night (4-5 hours) I would pump once around 10/11pm. Looking back this may not have been necessary, but definitely helped to increase/maintain my supply and helped me feel more comfortable. But like I said earlier, I definitely produced more than what she was taking in.
Pain/clogged ducts
I ended up with probably at least 15 clogged ducts, but thankfully never got mastitis. The only thing that helped that other people told me to do, and it did take several days, was nursing her and massaging the area where the clogged duct was while she was feeding. I also think taking sunflower lecithin may have helped but it was hard to know for sure.
Also the first two months were definitely the most painful. The nipple shield, nipple butter, and silverettes helped me a lot (I have them linked at the end of this post).
Weaning
I see so much information on social media about breastfeeding but rarely see anyone talk about weaning so I figured I would share my experience with that as well. If it were up to Tatum she would have probably wanted to nurse for years, but for various reasons I was ready to be done. I was feeling more exhausted, irritable, and it was becoming more uncomfortable for me. I started to get a feeling that it was the right time for me to be done, but felt guilty at the same time. Ultimately I had to decide that guilt was not a good enough reason to continue – I had to do what was best for myself, which I know ultimately would be the best for her too.
We took weaning very gradually, over several months. For most of Tatum’s life I was nursing her on demand. Around 15 or 16 months she started becoming more demanding with it, and wanted to nurse for what felt like all day long. I started to limit the number of times I would nurse her – at wake up, before naps, and at bedtime, so about 4 times per day. From there I gradually cut out more times. I cut out the pre nap feed next, then the evening feed, and lastly the wake up feed.
Now that I am all done nursing her, I have been feeling SO much better. I have more energy, I’m not irritable or easily annoyed, and I feel much more like my pre-pregnancy self. While part of me is sad it is over, I don’t “miss” it as much as I thought I would.
What I would do differently
Thankfully I don’t think there’s much I would have done differently if I could go back. I definitely worried a lot about pumping in the beginning especially when I went back to work. Honestly my goal next time would be to pump as little as possible while also maintaining my supply – I don’t think anyone actually enjoys pumping. At least I did not think it was fun (not too bad but definitely not fun…) I remember feeling like I had to pump every night because 4 or 5 hours seemed like too long to go without nursing, so maybe I would try to skip the evening pump at home next time. But, who knows!
While this is my journey and what worked for me, I know everyone is different and every baby is different! These are just my personal experiences, and I do think a big part of breastfeeding is figuring it out on your own. No matter how many classes you take or information you read, I think a lot just comes from personal experience and getting comfortable on your own.
The commitment and lack of sleep
I did want to add these topics in because I don’t think this is common knowledge unless you already have a lot of exposure to breastfeeding and newborns. These are some things I never would have known if I didn’t already work on a post partum unit. Until their pediatrician says otherwise, newborns need to feed every 2-3 hours, all day and night. And you have to count it from the start time of the last feed, even if the feeding was an hour long. Whereas formula fed babies can typically go longer stretches (again always listen to your doctors, but this is just what I have seen in the hospital). Tatum didn’t sleep through the night until she was 13 months old, which meant I didn’t sleep through the night until she was 13 months old. Since I knew this going in and had worked night shift for years, I was already used to being up at night and the lack of sleep. For the first couple months I was waking up every 2-3 hours and sleeping 1-2 hour stretches, getting 4-6 hours of sleep per night. I still think being on maternity leave for 3 months and breastfeeding a newborn was easier than working full time night shift pregnant with no children yet! So I really do think pregnancy prepares your body to an extent. Breastfeeding still is a huge commitment and a great accomplishment and I am proud of both of us for sticking with it for so long! I also don’t think it is something that comes “naturally” to many people and I promise so many moms struggle with this, so if it does not come easily I promise you are not alone.
Breastfeeding must haves
* Mom cozy nursing bras – these are not sexy whatsoever but they are super comfortable.
* Silverettes – these helped a lot with nipple pain in the early days.
* Mama Earth organic nipple butter – this helped so much with dry and painful nipples. I didn’t like the lanolin the hospital offers so I am happy I found a good alternative.
* Medela breast pump – I feel like this was the most effective out of all the pumps I tried and I believe it has a one year warranty.
* Reusable Breast pads – I leaked so much in the beginning and these were so helpful to have on hand.
* Haaka – I have mixed feelings about the haaka but wanted to include it because I would want to have it on hand in the future. Basically what it does is suctions to your breast to collect extra milk from the other side while your baby is nursing. Whenever I used this I would get 1-2 ounces per side which was basically an extra feeding’s worth of milk. Although I did find it a bit difficult to use because it would fall off sometimes, or I would accidently knock it off, or tip it over… and it was hard for me to hold Tatum on the one side and then worry about the Haaka on the other.
* Sunflower Lecithin – a bunch of you all recommended this when I had clogged ducts. It’s supposed to help with them! Next time I would start taking this immediately as a preventative measure.
* Burp clothes – and a tonnn of them! I leaked so much and these were super helpful to have on hand for feedings early on.
I hope this post was helpful and if you have any questions you can always send me an email or DM! I am always happy to talk more about breastfeeding!
